The New Alphabet

Sent May 1, 2007

A is for apple, and B is for boat,

That used to be right, but now it won't float!

Age before beauty is what we once said,

But let's be a bit more realistic instead.

Now:

A's for arthritis;

B's the bad back,

C is the chest pains, perhaps cardiac?

D is for dental decay and decline,

E is for eyesight--can't read that top line!

F is for fissures and water retention

G is for gas, which I'd rather not mention.

H is high blood pressure--I'd prefer low;

I for incisions with scars you can show.

J is for joints, out of socket, won't mend,

K is for knees that crack when they bend.

L is lost hearing--now what did you say?

M is memory lapses occurring all day.

N is neuralgia, in nerves way down low;

O is for osteo, the bones that don't grow!

P for prescriptions, I have quite a few;

Just give me a pill and I'll be good as new!

Q is for queasy. Is it fatal or flu?

R is for reflux--one meal turns to two.

S for sleepless nights, counting my fears,

T for tinnitus; there are bells in my ears!

U is for urinary; big troubles with flow;

V is for vertigo--that's "dizzy," you know.

W is for worry. NOW what's going 'round?

X is for x-ray and what might be found.

Y is another year I'm left here behind,

Z is for zest that I still have--in my mind.

I've survived all the symptoms, my body's deployed,

and I've kept twenty-six doctors fully employed.