Riding Shotgun

Sent September 22, 2007

   In the early 1800's this old Jewish merchant had to go to  Omaha on  business. He presented himself to the stagecoach  office and asked,  "How much a ticket to Omaha?"

    The clerk responded, "$5.00."

    "Too much!" he complained. "Anyway, I ain't got $5.00; I only  got  $2.00, so there you go!"

    "Well you ain't goin ta Omaha for $2.00, so forget it!" said the   clerk.

    "Listen, I gotta get to Omaha; I got very important business  there. Please! Maybe you could do something for me?"

    "I'll tell you what I can do." said the clerk. "We need  somebody to  ride shotgun. Gimme the $2.00 and you could  ride shotgun."

    "What are you sayin' ride shotgun? I need to ride on the  stagecoach  to Omaha!" said the old man.

    "No, No! You don't understand!" said the clerk. "You ride up  on the  top with the driver. You hold this rifle and if you see any  Indians,  you shoot 'em."

    "What you talkin' about shooting Indians? I ain't never shot no Indians before." replied the merchant.

    "Listen to me! It's easy. You see an Indian; you point the gun  at  him and pull this trigger. Just give me the $2.00 and get up  there  with the driver." demanded the clerk.

    So the old merchant climbed up with the driver and off they  rode  into the prairie. About 3 hours into the trip, the driver  asked, "Do  ya see any Indians?"

    "Yup, I see one." said the old Jewish merchant.

    "How far away is he?" asked the driver.

    "How could I know?" asked the old guy.

    "Well how big does he look?" asked the driver.

    The old Jewish guy put his hand in front of the driver's face and held his thumb and forefinger about a half inch apart, and said,  "He  looks this big; should I shoot him?"

    "Not yet," said the driver. "You'll never hit him; he's too far away. Wait 'til he gets closer."

    Another couple of hours passed and once again the driver  asked, "Do  ya still see the Indians?"

    "Yup, I still see him."

    "How far away is he now?" asked the driver.

    Again the old Jewish guy put his hand in front of the driver's  face  and this time held his thumb and forefinger about an inch  apart, and  said, "He looks this big; should I shoot him yet?"

    "Not yet," said the driver. "He's still too far away. Wait until he gets closer. I'll tell you when to shoot him."

    Well this same situation continued every few hours for several  days. Each time, the old Jewish merchant would hold his  fingers a little  further apart to indicate how big the Indian  looked, and each time  he'd ask, "Should I shoot him?'  and  each time, the driver would  say, "Not yet, I'll tell you when."

    On the third day of their journey through the prairie on their  way  to Omaha, when asked if he still saw the Indian, the old  guy  demonstrated the size of the Indian by spreading his arms  as far as  he could from top to bottom, indicating that the  Indian now looked  very big.

    The driver said, "Okay, now he's close enough. Now you can shoot him!"

    The old man hesitated and then said, "Nah... I couldn't shoot him."

    "Whadya mean you can't shoot him? Why not?" demanded the driver.

    The old Jewish guy put his hand in front of the driver's face and  held his thumb and forefinger about a half inch apart, and said, "How  could I shoot him?...  I've known him since he was this big!"