10. You pull over to let a fire truck go by, and it stops behind you.

                              9.  You have to go to a repair center every thousand miles to get the duct tape replaced.

                              8.  You accidentally drive into a junkyard, drive out, and get accused of stealing.

                              7. The Blue Book lists your car under "Health Risk."

                              6. The only thing holding your bumper on is the "Dukakis/Bentsen '88" sticker.

                              5. You return to your car and find someone broke in and left a hundred dollars and a new stereo.

                              4. Evil Kenievel refuses a free lift.

                              3. The valet puts on a crash helmet and full-body armor before parking your car.

                              2.  The guys at the repair shop refer you to Dr. Kevorkian.

                              And the number one sign

                              1. The Duct Tape guys feature you on their new book.